Many people have a vision for the life they want to be living, but sadly very few people ever get to live even close to their dream life. Why? Something stops them.
Things that stop you: The Continuum Of Control
It’s important to know that of things that stop you, you have a varying amount of control over them. These barriers fall into a continuum of control from entirely beyond your control to completely within your control. We can break the continuum into 4 bands:
1. No control. There are certain things that are entirely beyond your control, such as the weather, global politics, and events from the past. No matter how hard you try, you cannot alter these circumstances. Focusing too much on these uncontrollable factors can make you feel powerless, unhappy, and even angry or frustrated. It’s important to recognize what is beyond your control and shift your focus towards what you can influence in order to maintain a sense of empowerment and positivity.
2. Minimal control. There are certain things over which you have a limited amount of control. For instance, when it comes to politics within your country, you may exercise your right to vote or even run for office yourself. Similarly, with regard to the environment, you can take actions such as recycling, picking up litter, reducing carbon emissions, and joining environmental groups. now you should know that other people fall into minimal control…you may have the ability to influence others…. They ultimately make their own decisions and think and feel very differently from you.
3. Direct control. There are certain things over which you have a considerable amount of control. Your health and career are prime examples. By eating nutritious foods, maintaining a regular exercise routine, and getting sufficient rest, you can decrease your likelihood of falling ill. Similarly, by working diligently, improve your skills, seek out suitable jobs you can advance your career prospects. However, it’s important to keep in mind that despite your best efforts, unforeseen circumstances such as job loss may still occur.
4. Complete control. The only thing that falls into this band is you… your thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors. Even then much of the time you are not completely in control, because your subconscious mind is often running the show. The most frequent response to the question, “what is preventing you from accomplishing your goals?” typically involves blaming oneself. People often attribute their lack of progress to their own thoughts, beliefs, reactions, expectations, rules, behaviors, and actions. In the next vlog, we will delve deeper into the personal reasons behind these “me” factors that could be obstructing your path towards living your ideal life.
If the reason you’re failing to achieve your goals falls into the first two bands – no control or minimal and you’re fixated on them, you may be needlessly suffering. Instead, try shifting your focus. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do about this?” If the answer is yes, take action to the best of your ability. If the answer is no, make a conscious decision to understand and accept the situation. For instance, if it starts raining on the day you’re supposed to host an outdoor barbecue, try finding an alternative indoor venue. If that’s not possible, let your guests know and brainstorm other enjoyable activities you could all do together that day. Be mindful of any negative thoughts that pop up, such as “it’s not fair” or “why does it always rain?” and redirect them towards more constructive and positive thinking.
By being curious and exploring the things getting in your way it may be possible to uncover small changes that could make a big difference.