“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” – Abraham Maslow
As adults, we need to feel that we are growing and progressing in our life: It is essential to our wellbeing. Lack of growth can be very harmful. Feeling bored, unchallenged, and unfulfilled may lead to depression, addiction, over-attachment, or other destructive behaviors.
Just as we don’t notice a plant’s day-to-day growth, we rarely recognize personal growth as it occurs. We often sense growth when we begin something novel, demanding or intellectually challenging. We need to be positively engaged in meaningful activities; we need to feel challenged and feel a sense of internal accomplishment or achievement.
As with most things in life, growth is a balancing act. You can have too much or too little. The bored stay-at-home mom, who ends her exhausting 16-hour day wondering what she has achieved, is an example of too little growth. The overwhelmed high-level executive who works long hours, leading a large team while studying for an MBA is an example of too much growth. I have experienced both too little and too much growth, and both are worth avoiding.
Areas of growth
There are many modalities for growth. Some you may dabble with, others you may seek mastery in. You may desire growth in one or multiple areas.
Personal growth
One great way to feel like you are growing is learning about YOU, otherwise known as personal development, a massive industry of which I am proud to be a part. The type of personal development you engage in depends on your type of person and what you want to achieve. Should you wish to pursue the self-directed route, there are many books, courses, videos, seminars, and webinars. This route requires a high level of self-motivation and discipline to achieve results. If you prefer the group approach, you might want to join a motivational group coaching program or a gentler meditation group. Consider working one-to-one with a coach if you need a tailor-made approach with personal advice, support, and accountability.
Intellectual learning
When you were a child in school, you experienced vast amounts of intellectual learning, at times more than you desired. Now, as an adult, you may enjoy new learning. Your brain is like a muscle; if you exercise it, its function will improve. Any new learning is good for your brain, as learning new ideas creates new neural networks and keeps existing ones active. Research shows that brain training (new learning and mental stimulation) can protect against cognitive decline and even Alzheimer’s.
Today we are blessed with access to information on almost anything that strikes your interest: From astrophysics to appliqué, business to baking, craniosacral therapy to calligraphy. You can learn formally by attending an education facility in person or online or informally with self-directed reading or online courses.
Creativity
Creativity is an excellent way to achieve growth and may produce some wonderful by-products. Examples include art, writing, inventing, music, crafts, garden design, dance, cooking, and photography. Explore local colleges, community centers or online resources like Udemy and Coursera. Taking a course in your area of interest is a great way to develop your interest and meet people who share your passion.
Career
If you work, your career may be an excellent source of growth. You may wish to learn new skills at work, be part of a new project or step into a leadership role. While your employer or boss may or may not offer growth opportunities for you in your role, it is ultimately your responsibility to make sure you are growing in your career.
Relationships
I often tell my clients, “you are amazing, weird, and utterly unique, just like everyone else!” Learning to connect with other people requires personal reflection and growth. Growth occurs in relationships that are new or developing positively. Examples include a new friendship with someone in your yoga class who will encourage you to attend, helping your child learn a new language, or starting to date again after a bitter divorce. There is danger in tolerating relationships that are not growing or are toxic. Seek out positive relationships as much as possible as an antidote to negative ones and commit to seeking opportunities for growth in existing relationships.
Financial growth
Money and finances are vital resources that need to be managed in order to grow. If you are currently employed, you trade your very precious internal resources (including time, energy, and attention) for money, so pay attention to earning it, investing it, saving it, and spending it. It is very easy for money to slip away if you are not paying attention and financial insecurity is very stressful. If you feel out of control read a book or take a class in financial literacy.
Health
Remember, health is your greatest asset. Taking control of your health can give you an enormous sense of growth. It can begin simply by researching a health problem or starting a new healthy eating plan and extending to running your first 5k or having tennis lessons. The added benefit is that, as well as growing, you will also be improving your health and maybe even extending your life: Win-win!
Spiritual or religious growth
Spirituality is about discovering the essence of life and connecting with your authentic self, with individuals, community, nature, or religion, at a deep level.
Spirituality involves setting aside purely materialistic values such as wealth and valuing qualities such as love, compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, responsibility, harmony, and contribution. In the case of religious spirituality, there is also a belief in a higher being or beings.
Leading a spiritual life can be good for your health, make you feel connected, give positive meaning to life and create a high level of engagement.
If you are religious, spiritual growth may be achieved by increased involvement in religious practice or by engaging in service work on behalf of your religious organization.
If you are spiritual but not religious, spiritual growth may be achieved through many outlets such as reading about spirituality, learning to meditate, and charity work. The excellent book “Beyond Religion” by the Dalai Lama is a great place to start.
Lifestyle and Home
Your lifestyle and home can be a great source of growth. Joining a gardening club, taking walks in nature, decorating your home, or even looking after a house plant may fill you with joy and satisfaction.
Contribution and community
Contribution beyond yourself to your family, your team at work, your community, to a cause or mission, or to a club or group of people is an excellent way to experience a sense of growth.
Maybe you love being active in your community, connecting with people, and working towards a common goal, like planting a community garden or serving in a soup kitchen. This can give a sense of much higher purpose and accomplishment.
If you have a very demanding life (a busy job, a health problem, or a sick relative), you may have little energy for contribution beyond your immediate circle, and that is OK.
You may want to combine working in the community with something you are passionate about, like volunteering to work with special needs children or something related to your old or future career (win-win). Doing a good deed for another person or cause is good for your brain and overall health.
Lack of growth
Have you ever felt bored, uninteresting, insignificant, frustrated, unsuccessful, or underappreciated? I know I have. It can breed resentment, dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, and desperation. From a brain perspective, a lack of growth may be accompanied by under-arousal of the brain and a feeling of “brain fog”. If sustained, it may cause cognitive decline, as new neural networks are not being formed. Lack of growth is undeniably bad for you.
Lou Holtz once said, “In this world, you’re either growing or you’re dying, so get in motion and grow.” It’s your responsibility to ensure that you are growing. The good news is that there are many ways to experience a sense of growth. Whether it’s new learning or spiritual growth, financial growth or relationships, a commitment to and focus on growth is really good for your wellbeing.
Optional Exercise
Rate the level of growth you feel in your life right now. (1 to 20. 1 = very low, 10 = just right, 20 = too much growth)
Are you content with this?
What areas of your life currently allow you to grow?
Personal growth
Learning
Creativity
Career
Relationships
Financial growth
Health: Physical and mental
Spiritual growth
Lifestyle and Home
Contribution and community
Other
What areas would you like to grow more in the coming months?
Personal growth
Learning
Creativity
Career
Relationships
Financial growth
Health: Physical and mental
Spiritual growth
Lifestyle and Home
Contribution and community
Other
