I recently came across this wonderful quote and it got me thinking about how to live more in the present. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present!” – Ancient saying & Master Oogway, Kung Foo Panda.
Focus on the past
The past is an important part of who we are, but spending too much time pondering the past can be a problem. Believe me, I have been there: “why did I do that?”, “why didn’t I do that?”, “what if I had done things differently?” and so on.
Some memories of the past are positive. We remember them because we experienced intense positive emotions at the time: Revisit them and savor these emotions and memories.
The problems with focusing too much on the past are many and include:
- Our memories of the past are a construct of our brain and mind. We remember things that were emotionally charged and when we recall those memories, it is a simulation and not an accurate, complete record like the memory on a computer or a photograph.
- Our brain has a negativity bias (part of the survival circuitry): we pay more attention to negative events, thoughts or emotions, than to positive ones.
- Our negative memories were formed at times when we felt negative emotions, or when our brain was in a stressed state, hypervigilant for danger and ignoring anything good.
- Sometimes we dwell on the negative things that happened, or the things we did or didn’t do, we judge ourselves, others or our situation negatively and it makes us feel bad.
- Other times we may see the past through “rose-tinted glasses” and feel that the present doesn’t compare favorably.
Using the past to make your life better:
- The past is gone and you can’t change it (unless you have a time machine… in which case go ahead).
- It’s ok to think about the past, but when we choose to focus for too long on the negative, we are choosing to suffer longer than we need to. If you notice yourself dwelling: STOP. Ask “is this serving me?” Direct your thoughts.
- Take the lessons and the gifts from the past and gain insight into our personal formula for success.
Focus on the future
Our brains create “mini-movies” or simulations of the future. When we were cavepeople these simulations were useful as they prepared us for potential disasters: the world was filled with danger back then, we needed to be ready for action. As a sufferer of chronic hypervigilance this is a big one for me!
Today these simulations can make us suffer in 4 significant ways:
- They pull you out of the present moment and stop you noticing what’s happening right now.
- Some people are overly pessimistic about the future. Their simulator is set to forecast all the potential threats or bad things that could possibly happen (most of which will never happen). The result: unpleasant feelings such as anxiety, worry, fear or panic. As Tony Robbins says “what you focus on you feel”. These feelings may spark a stress reaction causing: the fight response (confrontational behavior), the flee response (avoidance) or the freeze response (procrastination) and chronic stress is bad for health, your relationships and your performance.
- Other people are overly optimistic: aka Polly Anna Syndrome. This can lead to unrealistic expectations (which may lead to future disappointment) or inaction.
- Sometimes people are too rigid in their expectations of the future. They tell themselves they can only feel a certain way, when strict criteria are reached. E.g. I’ll feel worthy when I lose 10lbs, I’ll be happy in my next job, I’ll feel fulfilled when I make $$$ per year.
Focus on the present
It is only what we are experiencing in the present moment that is real. In this present moment we can choose what to focus on. We can look for what is good or what is bad. We can look for what we lack or what we have in abundance. We can search for problems or for gifts and opportunities. In this present moment we can notice our “state” and if we find ourselves in a disempowering state, shift to an empowering state. We can notice what we are thinking about and ask… “does this pattern of thinking serve me?” Our emotions are signals from our nervous system and in the present we can notice them and ask “what is this emotion telling me?”
There will be times when our present situation is not good, something is going wrong: in our life, with other people or with our situation. If we are focused on the present we can objectively assess the reality of the situation, get resourceful and be proactive. We can focus on what we can control, instead of focusing on all the things we can not. Practicing gratitude, mindfulness practice or doing something fun are great ways to recharge your energy in the present moment.
“There is only one time that is important – NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power.” – Leo Tolstoy.
Focus on balance
As with most things in life a balanced approach is needed. If you only focused on the present you would not learn from the past, or make plans for the future. You’d flit from one thing to another and engage in instant gratification, ignoring the fact that your behavior has consequences in the future.
Flashes from the past are common and normal. However if you get stuck in thoughts of the past (both positive and negative), you will likely suffer. If you want to shift: stop and notice when negative thoughts arise, get curious as to why this past memory has occurred and remind yourself of the lessons learned. Feel into the emotion: If it is positive, savor it for a moment and if it is negative, let it go.
Future focus is important. Creating a compelling future and having a sense of purpose is vital for your mental wellbeing. Planning for your future is also essential to ensure we get important things done, in a timely and effective manner. However, too much focus on the future can also cause suffering.
So in the week ahead I challenge you to notice where your attention is going. Are you focused more on the past, the present or the future? If you are feeling unhappy, unfulfilled or uncertain, is it possible that your focus is unbalanced and that a shift in focus could help? Perhaps you might like to practice an incantation like “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present”.
