No matter your beliefs, your stories around the season, or what you celebrate, the December festive season can be a stressful time. Maybe you’ll be seeing family, maybe you’re going to be alone, maybe you’re escaping on a trip, maybe you do nothing but the rest of the world is going crazy… whatever you do you may find yourself at times getting stressed, triggered, overwhelmed, sad or frustrated. So here’s a simple toolkit to help you stay sane.
Tool 1. The Wellbeing Scale. Monitor how you are feeling with the Wellbeing Scale. It’s a simple tool I came up with to monitor how you are feeling. Draw a straight line on a post-it note or piece of paper. In the center draw an X and write 0 above. Right – write +10, on the left -10. How do you feel? Be really honest. -10 = the worst you have EVER felt. +10 = the best you have ever felt. Look at this scale regularly, if you are in the negative range. Stop for a moment. Pay attention to what is going on? Do you need to take some action? Is it time for a break to take care of yourself (it can be super quick)? See below the post.
Tool 2. Practice regular self-care. I often say to my clients: “You are like an old iPhone battery – you need regular recharging”. Do things for yourself that put you in a positive state. (Quick caveat: Avoid nihilistic, short-term pleasures that are in the long term bad for you or others). Make a list of things that work for you in advance. Resting is good, but mindfulness practice is even better as the effects last longer and rewire your brain. If you’re super busy and only have time to go to the bathroom, take an extra minute while you are there. After washing your hands, look in the mirror, look deep into your own eyes and say to yourself a quick positive mantra. If you don’t have one… say this “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you be at peace”. Take 10 deep breaths, before returning to the world
Tool 3. Spot your triggers. If you’re getting stressed or heading into negative thinking or feeling patterns. Pay attention to what is triggering you. Name the trigger very generically, e.g. people, too much to do, noise…
Have a conversation with your own subconscious mind: “I am being triggered, by…” Take 5 or 10 deep breaths. Ask yourself “do I want to be triggered?” if the answer is “NO”… what can you do to change the way you feel? (Hint: maybe a mindful moment or something from your self-care toolkit”
Tool 4. People triggers. If your trigger is a person and you can not avoid them, take note of the behavior that triggers you. First, it’s important to know you have minimal influence over other people’s behavior. You can however control your thoughts, the meaning you give to their behavior, and your reaction. Here are a couple of things to try:
- Silly name game: We all have parts of ourselves that are far from perfect. If another person’s behavior irritates you and is not harming anyone, this technique can help you with short-term survival over the festivities. It should not replace having honest conversations with people about their behavior or seeking relationship help, at a later date.
- Name the part of them that triggers you. E.g. if aunt Florence is very bossy, name this part of her “Bossy Flo ” or your uncle Joe gets drunk and is inappropriate, name this part of him Drunkle Joe. When their behavior shows up, say to yourself in your mind “Here’s Bossy Flo” or “Look Drunkle Joe just turned up”. It can also help to think of a cartoon character this part of them is like. Take a few deep breaths and make a choice to let their behavior not trigger you.
- Compassion exercise: Sometimes a person’s flaws are because they are suffering in some way. Think of one thing you’d like to change about them e.g. they’re always angry, they are always late. What would be the opposite? Let’s call this X.
- How do they make you feel? What’s the opposite? Let’s call this Y. e.g. if they make you feel threatened, the opposite might be “safe”, if they frustrate or anger you, the opposite might be “calm” Before you see the person, put your hand on your heart and say to yourself. “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be Y”. Picture the triggering person in your mind or say their name and “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be X”. Repeat a few times.
Tool 5. Reduce the impact of overindulgence. If you have a tendency to overindulge in unhealthy food or drink or just overstimulation over the festive season make a plan. Here are some ideas:
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- Try intermittent fasting for 12-14 hours a day. Note what time you last eat on a particular day. Don’t eat for 12-14 hours after, break your fast with something plant-based and healthy. If you have diabetes or blood sugar issues, do not do this unless your doctor recommends it.
- If you’re going out and might eat unhealthy food or drink, fill your stomach with salad and or fruit before you go (apples are my personal favorite for this). Consider taking some healthy snacks to share, and make sure you eat some.
- Set yourself some limits on unhealthy eating or drinking. E.g. I will allow myself 2 small drinks or I will stop eating after 8 pm.
- Make a plan of what you will say to “food pushers”, you know those people who try and force you to eat so that they will feel better. e.g. Thank you, it looks delicious but I am really full.
- Bookend your days with mindfulness practice and/or gratitude journaling. This is always good for your brain and mind, but more so over the festive season.
I wish you a very happy, healthy, peaceful festive season and an abundant 2022. Thanks for taking the time this year to read my musings!
